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Jan 1, 2023
Honestly what I need is balance. I need to balance my emotions. I need discernment on if I need to share my emotions or get deep in certain scenarios or with certain people.
I think what really hurts and gets me emotional about everything is I look at certain people in my life and think, you are the one person I should be able to share my heart fully with. Keyword is SHOULD be able to share my heart with.
Unfortunately whenever I try, I instantly regret it, feeling pathetic or even sadly unsafe.
See when I say unsafe, I’m not saying the person or people are unsafe . I’m saying my emotions being shared with them doesn’t feel right.
Doesn’t feel like they can take them in.
Doesn’t feel like my heart can be held in their hand.
I feel like my heart is too fragile or huge.
I just feel too much for them to handle. I feel too much .
That is why they are unsafe because I think I’m too much for them.
I just feel too much for them.
I feel safe with people who can handle my emotions and my heart.
With safe people I don’t feel like I’m too much.
I feel heard, understood, covered, reassured, just enough, not too little and not too much.
I feel normal with my emotions and how I process them.
Sadly the battle is not only knowing what a safe person feels like or is ( for you).
The battle is wanting someone to be your safe place and they cannot be.
The battle is when they think they are a safe place for you and they are not. The battle is giving them various opportunities to become your safe place and they constantly let you down.
The battle is doing the same thing and expecting a different result with them.
So I don’t want to battle anymore. I don’t want to keep wanting them to be my safe place. It’s hurtful, draining and makes me second guess myself.
I really want to break free from wanting certain people to be my safe place.
I just want to be done.
I want YAH GOD to continue to be my safe place. I want to be my own safe place and I want to keep allowing those who can be my safe place to be that even if I don’t expect them too.
If you can relate Comment below and let me know! Looking forward to reading them! 🙂
Shalom
YAH Bless
Miranda
Raydiantlady
A space for Joy and Encouragement
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