Feb 22, 2023
It is not about why the conversation is being had. It’s not even about what the conversation is about. It is about the fact that I was trying to speak, to tell the story and express myself . Whether I said something you didn’t agree with, or you said something I didn’t agree with.
See, I am realizing I really like conversing and the art of it. I am intrigued by words and their different meanings.
I am so emotional, so sensitive, so deep yet, really have a hard time being vulnerable. I mean I want to be vulnerable but I just struggle to trust others with my heart.
I realize some people do not have the time, or even desire to be there for me in the way I need. They only know how to be there for me the way they need.
I think the art of listening is not something many people have acquired. We are so quick to get our own points across or want to be heard and understood too. This really makes me just want to coil into my shell even more.
It makes me not want to ever get vulnerable and worse of all, when I do get vulnerable I regret it. It’s actually quite sad and funny in that the people I’m being vulnerable with are the people I’m supposed to be able to be vulnerable, so I think. But being vulnerable with them is not working .
I find myself having to be closed off. I find myself asking if I’m just too much. Am I really desiring too much? Maybe I am too deep and emotional and just need to keep it to myself. Honestly maybe my feelings and desires are not for everyone to handle but YAH GOD and maybe a therapist.
Oh man, things can get real dark in my head quickly. Maybe I should just be alone and only talk about practical things. Only talk in a way that my emotions are not involved.
I once heard a line in a show that said, “people with cold hands have warm hearts”(Reply 1988). That really resonated with me. You know I am really becoming convinced no emotions for people is key. You know talking about how you feel about something going on and on and such.
Yea, but I can’t even do it, as in expressing myself without emotions because it would be denying a big part of me. Denying a big part of how YAH GOD created me to be and probably even interfering with my purpose. Every time I think of becoming stoic I get emotional. In all, both extremes are wrong. I just have to find a perfect balance in expressing myself without becoming overbearing with my emotions.
Do you ever feel like you are too emotional or vulnerable in communication or with the wrong people? Comment below and let me know. Looking forward to reading them .
Shalom
YAH Bless
Miranda 🕊 💖
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